Dead Things and The Bloody Ground, part 2 - Every Shining Time You Arrive
Page One
Panel one – Splash showing Destroying holding the door on its hinges while the robot is screaming at him. To the right of them, we see the porch and a huge number of zombies pushing at the door to get in. One of their hands has broken through the door itself and has its fingers in Destroyer’s mouth.
WORD BALLOON (several strong together)
Robot: What would clue you in that it would be a great idea to lead a rampaging hoard of zombies over to my house? Like, hey, I’ll call Robot and see what’s up and oh, how are you, and by the way, I know you hate guests and barely tolerate me, but I think I may bring over a hundred of the undead to get blood and decayed feces all over the front porch that you just spent the fall restoring to its original beauty.
Page Two
Panel one – A zombie’s fingers are fish hooking into Destroyer’s mouth.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: MMMGHHHAHHH!
Panel two – Robot looks at him with disgust.
Panel three – Destroyer bites off the fingers.
Panel four – And spits them to the floor as we hear the zombie scream in pain.
SFX: AWOOOOOO!
Panel five – Destroyer is screaming at Robot. He has blood all over his face from biting the fingers off.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I’M NOT APOLOGIZING AGAIN. And man, that was something no one has ever thought of before. Zombies always trying to eat us. It’s time we ate zombies!
Panel six – Robot is enraged and screaming back at Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: What a plan. May I just say – Jesus Christ, you may be the dumbest human being I have met in my existence.
Page Three
Panel one – This panel should look like a door, with a hole in it. Through this splintered hole, we see Destroyer screaming, with blood and spit everywhere as he shouts.
WORD BALOON
Destroyer: It’s payback time. I’m stealing pages from your playbook!
Panel two – Robot is holding what is left of the zombie hand that Destroyer bit.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Yeah. You tell them. They can obviously understand speech. It’s a shame that peace talks keep breaking off with zombies, they seem so willing to listen.
Panel three – Destroyer is struggling to keep the door up and the zombies out.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Do you have a plan? Or does being a sarcastic asshole constitute your plan?
Page Four
Panel one – Robot has his arms crossed.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Yes. My plan is to do absolutely nothing. They won’t even see me. I have no organic brains. BRAINS! That’s all they want. And it’s all they can say.
Panel two – Destroyer looks on, struggling. He is having trouble holding the zombies back.
Panel three – Robot with his arms folded.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: So. It seems it’s you they want. I’m just going to sit here and watch you get eaten. Nice knowing you.
Panel four – The door falls on Destroyer.
WORD BALLOONS (on all zombies)
Zombies: BRAINS!
Panel five – Reaction shot of Destroyer almost panicked, one big eye staring at the mass of zombies covering him.
Page Five
Panel one – A giant pile of zombies are all over Destroyer, who is using what’s left of the door to shield himself.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I think you may be forgetting something.
Panel two – The robot sits down in his giant easy chair.
Panel three – And begins drinking tea.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Ah yes. My oolong tea.
Panel four – Destroyer is drowning in a sea of zombies. We can see Robot reading in the background.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: No, you’re forgetting something.
Page Six
Panel one – Multiple speed lines toward Robot, as he holds his head like he has a giant migraine.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Oh, **** me.
Panel two – A view of Robot’s Terminator like control screen lighting up with a big sign that says PRIME COMMAND – PROTECT HUMAN LIFE. We also see a POV shot of Destroyer fighting back against the zombies.
Sound effects – WHOOP WHOOP.
Panel three – Big action shot of Robot jumping from his chair and out of his smoking jacket.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Must…protect…human life.
Page Seven
Multiple panels – Some really kinetic action shots of Robot attacking the zombies. He is completely decimating the horde of the undead.
Action shots of:
Robot smashing two zombies heads together and a spray of gore.
SFX: KRUNCKKKKK!
Robot blasting a zombie’s arms, legs, and head off with laser beams from his hands.
SFX: ZAP!
Robot swinging a zombie’s spinal column and using the head attached to attack a crowd of zombies.
I think its funny to contrast Robot's smarts with the fact that when he fights, its like a sentai show in Japan (think Power Rangers). His programming forces him to fight with these strange, balletic like flourishes and poses.
Page Eight
Panel one – A nice panorama shot of the room, with a pile of dead zombies all over the place. Destroyer is sitting on the floor. Robot is in a karate fighting pose, with blood all over his fists and feet. A lot of the room is on fire and smoking.
Panel two – Cut to the kitchen. Destroyer is drinking an entire six pack. Robot is washing his hands.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I believe the terms you are looking for are, number one, thank you. And number two, Robot, I am a magnificent pussy who can’t even defeat zombies.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Uh huh. Yeah. You’re so impressive. Maybe you missed the last 900 zombies whose desiccated asses I personally kicked.
Panel three – Robot is drying his hands.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Desiccated? Someone is using the Word Power book I gave them for their birthday.
Panel four – A screaming headshot of Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Go **** yourself. And, why does a robot need to wash his hands?
Panel five – Robot is laughing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: One of us has to. And speaking of hands, sixth grader, why do you have numbers written on yours?
Panel six – Destroyer looks wistful.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I met this girl…
Page Nine
Panel one – The robot puts his hand over his face, laughing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: While fighting zombies…
Panel two – Destroyer looks over the moon in love.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: It’s fate, dude. Fate.
Panel three – Robot and Destroyer are yelling across the room at one another. Alternate word balloons so that it appears they are answering one another.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do I even need to say how against the rules it is to pick up a piece of ass while you’re saving it?
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: She’s not just a piece of ass. She’s…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: And what’s this special girl’s name?
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: We don’t need names.
Panel four – A zombie head rolls into the room.
Panel five – Robot is laughing his robotic ass off now.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: We don’t need names. Oh, this is too much.
Panel six – Robot is still laughing, but we see a word balloon appear, with the speaker the zombie head that is off camera.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You shall all die at the…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Oh, this is the ****ing topper.
Panel seven – The zombie head is in focus, with word balloons from Robot coming from off camera. Again, alternate word balloons.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Don’t interrupt the decree of the Death King…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Blah blah blah. Dead by dawn. Whatever. I’m not getting involved.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You are marked for death.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I’m so afraid. Oh, look, the zombie head is talking to me. Been there. Done that. Have the director’s cut.
Panel eight – The zombie head and Robot are now face to face.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Um. Well. You see…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: No. I hate you. I really do. I hate all zombies. Your dialogue is at best, rrrrahhh, BRAINS or at worst, lame proclamations.
Page Ten
Panel one – Destroyer is yelling.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: And how did you get in here, anyways?
Panel two – The zombie head is speaking.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: My hate for the living carried me…err, rolled me.
Panel three – Robot begins laughing again.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do you see? You can’t even finish a sentence without being a cliché. I’m going to step on you now.
Panel four – Destroyer jumps up, spilling beer everywhere.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Hold on. Let’s interrogate him.
Panel five – Robot arguing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: OK. Let’s get this straight. I’m not involved. Keep your Jack Bauer fetish to yourself.
Panel six – Zombie head screaming.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You are marked for death!
Panel seven – An overview of the room, with alternating word balloons.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do you see? This is getting regoddamndiculous.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Boy, you really do love to take His name in vain, huh?
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I don’t have a soul. So it’s not really blasphemy, because my creator was a man.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Who was made by God…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Maybe.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Definitely.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Definitely maybe.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Can we get back on track here?
Panel eight – Robot in the zombie head’s face.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I’m proud of you. That was the first sentence you’ve used that wasn’t…
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: The Death King will sever your soul from your frail form…
Page Eleven
Panel one – Robot steps on the zombie head, exploding it.
SFX: SPLLLLLUHHHHHHT!
Panel two – Destroyer is screaming, throwing beer cans at Robot.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: And now, we’ll never know the plan.
Panel three – Robot begins closing lights and leaving the kitchen.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Don’t care about the plan. Care about you leaving.
Panel four – Destroyer grabs the robot.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: The world needs saving and you’re going to ignore it.
Panel five – Robot yelling back at Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Well, if you hadn’t called me, I was this close to figuring out if rebel angels had sex with human women and made a race of giants who could get no diseases. And that would save a lot more lives than killing dead things again.
Panel six – Destroyer is shouting right in Robot’s ear now.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I’m sorry, my mission to save the world has made me deaf when pissy robots talk down to me.
Page Twelve
Panel one – Destroyer and Robot arguing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I have to talk down to you. Talking normally to you would presume we possess similar levels of coolness and intelligence, and obvious, that’s a fallacy.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Did you just hear something?
Panel two – Zoom to outside of the windows. Thousands of zombies have circled the house.
Panel three – Zombies begin coming through the walls, the doors, the floor, everywhere. Thousands of zombies, all at once.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: You’re invited to leave my house, pretty much whenever.
Panel one – Splash showing Destroying holding the door on its hinges while the robot is screaming at him. To the right of them, we see the porch and a huge number of zombies pushing at the door to get in. One of their hands has broken through the door itself and has its fingers in Destroyer’s mouth.
WORD BALLOON (several strong together)
Robot: What would clue you in that it would be a great idea to lead a rampaging hoard of zombies over to my house? Like, hey, I’ll call Robot and see what’s up and oh, how are you, and by the way, I know you hate guests and barely tolerate me, but I think I may bring over a hundred of the undead to get blood and decayed feces all over the front porch that you just spent the fall restoring to its original beauty.
Page Two
Panel one – A zombie’s fingers are fish hooking into Destroyer’s mouth.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: MMMGHHHAHHH!
Panel two – Robot looks at him with disgust.
Panel three – Destroyer bites off the fingers.
Panel four – And spits them to the floor as we hear the zombie scream in pain.
SFX: AWOOOOOO!
Panel five – Destroyer is screaming at Robot. He has blood all over his face from biting the fingers off.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I’M NOT APOLOGIZING AGAIN. And man, that was something no one has ever thought of before. Zombies always trying to eat us. It’s time we ate zombies!
Panel six – Robot is enraged and screaming back at Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: What a plan. May I just say – Jesus Christ, you may be the dumbest human being I have met in my existence.
Page Three
Panel one – This panel should look like a door, with a hole in it. Through this splintered hole, we see Destroyer screaming, with blood and spit everywhere as he shouts.
WORD BALOON
Destroyer: It’s payback time. I’m stealing pages from your playbook!
Panel two – Robot is holding what is left of the zombie hand that Destroyer bit.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Yeah. You tell them. They can obviously understand speech. It’s a shame that peace talks keep breaking off with zombies, they seem so willing to listen.
Panel three – Destroyer is struggling to keep the door up and the zombies out.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Do you have a plan? Or does being a sarcastic asshole constitute your plan?
Page Four
Panel one – Robot has his arms crossed.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Yes. My plan is to do absolutely nothing. They won’t even see me. I have no organic brains. BRAINS! That’s all they want. And it’s all they can say.
Panel two – Destroyer looks on, struggling. He is having trouble holding the zombies back.
Panel three – Robot with his arms folded.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: So. It seems it’s you they want. I’m just going to sit here and watch you get eaten. Nice knowing you.
Panel four – The door falls on Destroyer.
WORD BALLOONS (on all zombies)
Zombies: BRAINS!
Panel five – Reaction shot of Destroyer almost panicked, one big eye staring at the mass of zombies covering him.
Page Five
Panel one – A giant pile of zombies are all over Destroyer, who is using what’s left of the door to shield himself.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I think you may be forgetting something.
Panel two – The robot sits down in his giant easy chair.
Panel three – And begins drinking tea.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Ah yes. My oolong tea.
Panel four – Destroyer is drowning in a sea of zombies. We can see Robot reading in the background.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: No, you’re forgetting something.
Page Six
Panel one – Multiple speed lines toward Robot, as he holds his head like he has a giant migraine.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Oh, **** me.
Panel two – A view of Robot’s Terminator like control screen lighting up with a big sign that says PRIME COMMAND – PROTECT HUMAN LIFE. We also see a POV shot of Destroyer fighting back against the zombies.
Sound effects – WHOOP WHOOP.
Panel three – Big action shot of Robot jumping from his chair and out of his smoking jacket.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Must…protect…human life.
Page Seven
Multiple panels – Some really kinetic action shots of Robot attacking the zombies. He is completely decimating the horde of the undead.
Action shots of:
Robot smashing two zombies heads together and a spray of gore.
SFX: KRUNCKKKKK!
Robot blasting a zombie’s arms, legs, and head off with laser beams from his hands.
SFX: ZAP!
Robot swinging a zombie’s spinal column and using the head attached to attack a crowd of zombies.
I think its funny to contrast Robot's smarts with the fact that when he fights, its like a sentai show in Japan (think Power Rangers). His programming forces him to fight with these strange, balletic like flourishes and poses.
Page Eight
Panel one – A nice panorama shot of the room, with a pile of dead zombies all over the place. Destroyer is sitting on the floor. Robot is in a karate fighting pose, with blood all over his fists and feet. A lot of the room is on fire and smoking.
Panel two – Cut to the kitchen. Destroyer is drinking an entire six pack. Robot is washing his hands.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I believe the terms you are looking for are, number one, thank you. And number two, Robot, I am a magnificent pussy who can’t even defeat zombies.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Uh huh. Yeah. You’re so impressive. Maybe you missed the last 900 zombies whose desiccated asses I personally kicked.
Panel three – Robot is drying his hands.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Desiccated? Someone is using the Word Power book I gave them for their birthday.
Panel four – A screaming headshot of Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Go **** yourself. And, why does a robot need to wash his hands?
Panel five – Robot is laughing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: One of us has to. And speaking of hands, sixth grader, why do you have numbers written on yours?
Panel six – Destroyer looks wistful.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I met this girl…
Page Nine
Panel one – The robot puts his hand over his face, laughing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: While fighting zombies…
Panel two – Destroyer looks over the moon in love.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: It’s fate, dude. Fate.
Panel three – Robot and Destroyer are yelling across the room at one another. Alternate word balloons so that it appears they are answering one another.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do I even need to say how against the rules it is to pick up a piece of ass while you’re saving it?
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: She’s not just a piece of ass. She’s…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: And what’s this special girl’s name?
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: We don’t need names.
Panel four – A zombie head rolls into the room.
Panel five – Robot is laughing his robotic ass off now.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: We don’t need names. Oh, this is too much.
Panel six – Robot is still laughing, but we see a word balloon appear, with the speaker the zombie head that is off camera.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You shall all die at the…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Oh, this is the ****ing topper.
Panel seven – The zombie head is in focus, with word balloons from Robot coming from off camera. Again, alternate word balloons.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Don’t interrupt the decree of the Death King…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Blah blah blah. Dead by dawn. Whatever. I’m not getting involved.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You are marked for death.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I’m so afraid. Oh, look, the zombie head is talking to me. Been there. Done that. Have the director’s cut.
Panel eight – The zombie head and Robot are now face to face.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Um. Well. You see…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: No. I hate you. I really do. I hate all zombies. Your dialogue is at best, rrrrahhh, BRAINS or at worst, lame proclamations.
Page Ten
Panel one – Destroyer is yelling.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: And how did you get in here, anyways?
Panel two – The zombie head is speaking.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: My hate for the living carried me…err, rolled me.
Panel three – Robot begins laughing again.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do you see? You can’t even finish a sentence without being a cliché. I’m going to step on you now.
Panel four – Destroyer jumps up, spilling beer everywhere.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Hold on. Let’s interrogate him.
Panel five – Robot arguing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: OK. Let’s get this straight. I’m not involved. Keep your Jack Bauer fetish to yourself.
Panel six – Zombie head screaming.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: You are marked for death!
Panel seven – An overview of the room, with alternating word balloons.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Do you see? This is getting regoddamndiculous.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Boy, you really do love to take His name in vain, huh?
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I don’t have a soul. So it’s not really blasphemy, because my creator was a man.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Who was made by God…
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Maybe.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Definitely.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Definitely maybe.
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: Can we get back on track here?
Panel eight – Robot in the zombie head’s face.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I’m proud of you. That was the first sentence you’ve used that wasn’t…
WORD BALLOON
Zombie head: The Death King will sever your soul from your frail form…
Page Eleven
Panel one – Robot steps on the zombie head, exploding it.
SFX: SPLLLLLUHHHHHHT!
Panel two – Destroyer is screaming, throwing beer cans at Robot.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: And now, we’ll never know the plan.
Panel three – Robot begins closing lights and leaving the kitchen.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Don’t care about the plan. Care about you leaving.
Panel four – Destroyer grabs the robot.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: The world needs saving and you’re going to ignore it.
Panel five – Robot yelling back at Destroyer.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: Well, if you hadn’t called me, I was this close to figuring out if rebel angels had sex with human women and made a race of giants who could get no diseases. And that would save a lot more lives than killing dead things again.
Panel six – Destroyer is shouting right in Robot’s ear now.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: I’m sorry, my mission to save the world has made me deaf when pissy robots talk down to me.
Page Twelve
Panel one – Destroyer and Robot arguing.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: I have to talk down to you. Talking normally to you would presume we possess similar levels of coolness and intelligence, and obvious, that’s a fallacy.
WORD BALLOON
Destroyer: Did you just hear something?
Panel two – Zoom to outside of the windows. Thousands of zombies have circled the house.
Panel three – Zombies begin coming through the walls, the doors, the floor, everywhere. Thousands of zombies, all at once.
WORD BALLOON
Robot: You’re invited to leave my house, pretty much whenever.
posted by Shirley Doe at
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